Are You There God? It’s Me, Job.
Image from UnSplash, Tim Bogdanov @timbog80
The T-bar nudged me off at the top of the ski slope. I looked around. Where were they? My dad and sisters had promised when we stood in line at the bottom of this mountain, they would wait for me.
They lied. Or forgot. Or just wanted to get going. I wasn't all that surprised, but I was hurt and angry just the same.
I cautiously relocated away from the real skiers. Standing to the side of the conveyer belt of people I was feeling clumsy, awkward, scared, and, alone. It looked so easy, just stand up and swoosh!
That was one reason I disliked skiing. It looked deceptively easy. Especially for my dad and two younger sisters.
So, I stayed put and reached for my inner Margaret, as in, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. My twelve-year-old self was devouring that book on this vacation. She felt like a best friend.
"Are you there, God? It's me, Arianne. This sucks! Why didn't they wait for me? How am I going to make it down this mountain? Please help me not look like a total idiot! I hate skiing!"
This was the book that gave me a God I could talk to. A tween-take, if you will, on The Book of Job.
For the sake of time, I will assume you are familiar with both. The Book of Job is a fable of fun that has God callously condemning an upright man from Uz after making a bet with the devil. Job’s punishments are swift and severe. His friends are no help or comfort. If things are this bad for him, surely, it’s his fault they tell him. Even if he doesn’t understand why.
Job wants, demands actually, God to explain, why.
Margaret doesn’t suffer the consequences of Job. But, you can’t compare suffering! She has problems of her own. She is moving. Her family doesn’t get along. She wants a variety of things in her life, in herself - to change.
That’s the root of suffering, my friends. Can you relate to that these days? Yep. Me too.
“It’s not that life causes suffering, it’s the story we tell ourselves about our life, our interpretation, that causes us to suffer.”
Like Job, Margaret is freaking out about things that are happening or supposed to be happening to her body. Like Job, Margaret wrestles with the arguments and defenses of her family and friends. Who is right, God? Why does religion matter? What difference does believing in you even make? When am I going to get my period already?!
"Please help me grow, God. You know where." Margaret did not mess around! Her experiences and desires mattered and she demanded God help her make sense of them.
Sounds like Job to me. Margaret is honest with God. Judy Blume, who completed it in just six weeks, told an interviewer it was "[my] first real book, the book where I just let go. I didn't know what I was doing. I just did it—and this is what came out."
Exactly!
““If I go forward, he is not there;
or backward...but I cannot see him...
the Almighty has terrified me; If only I could vanish in darkness, and thick darkness would cover my face!””
Of course, Job is different but the intent is the same. It’s me, God? Where are you? Can you hear me? Do you listen?
Yes, sometimes God feels distant. Sometimes I imagine God is laughing at my misfortune and putting me to the test. Sometimes it feels like God plays chess with our world, manipulating events around me, ensuring I do not know what move to make.
“Are you there, God. It’s me, Arianne. Are people going to come back to church? Was it something I said? I’m tired of this. It sucks. And I’d really like you to explain yourself and tell me what to do.”
This is how things feel to me right now. I do not know what to do. I look at some people, some churches and it looks so easy - swoosh! Off they go. I feel unsure, awkward, somewhat scared, and sometimes - alone.
A preacher friend and I were talking about Job for this Sunday. "So what is the good news?” He asked. “Where is it?"
Great question. Two answers. When God says, “Gird up your loins like a man” (38:3) it makes me laugh. I can’t help it! And laughter is good. And, by the way, I hear God saying something similar to me too. “Arianne, c’mon! You are enough! It will and you will be ok.”
Job is real with God. And God is real with Job. That is good news to me.
The second - awe. God’s long and loving list of creation (Job 38). I do choose to go find something awesome to gaze at, watch, pay attention to for the sole purpose of reminding myself, “Life in God is happening all around me. All the time.”
The good news of Job is - God. God was there. God is here. God will be God and I just keep choosing to abide in God. Even when I can’t seem to find her.
Are you there, God? Yes and Yes.
